12 reason why I need my Children more than they need me

So I will be entering back into the world as a childless person 3 days a week in the new year and we have started the settling in sessions so I have had time on my hands, which feels a little strange I think I have worked out that I need my kids more than they need me, here’s why.

  • When you have a child/children the world is a friendlier place where people smile, they give loving looks to your baby and toddler and say things like, “I would love mine to be that age again” “Enjoy this time as they soon grow up”.  People stop and chat they even chuckle when they hear your toddlers funny comments, it could almost be compared to be walking around in a Mary Poppins type film. When you don’t have children with you no one smiles and god forbid any type of conversation, they give you the look of “you’ve let yourself go” which brings me onto my next point.
  • Your appearance is totally excused when you have children. Bad hair, no make up, bad nails, dirty clothes, generally looking harassed is all fine with kids attached to you somewhere. If on the odd occasion I make it out without the kids and I do happen to get into a conversation (which is rare) I make some reference to having children, mainly I do this in a gym class just to excuse appearance and lack of effort.
  • When you have children its totally acceptable to drive everywhere, even if its to the end of road because the hassle of getting the pushchair and buggy board (which is sometimes the best thing I have brought and sometimes the worst) out is just too much effort but just popping the kids in the car is easier and results in everyone being warm and dry.
  • Gives you motivation to go to the gym and enjoy it, yes when you only have 3 hrs a week spare there is no “I will go tomorrow” excuse as tomorrow everything could of fallen apart, illness could of struck, someone might be having a bad day.
  • You can park in massive spaces that have room around the edge, I’m really bad at parking, bit of a cliche but when I passed my driving test (which took 5 attempts) I got my car stuck in a multi storey car park and had to ask a stranger to move it for me! I have even worked out the best parking spaces for size to open doors with enough space to get the children out, I’m fully aware this is more of an elderly past time of liking to park in the same place but when you’ve got kids its just practical, right?
  • You can act like a bit of a tit by singing, dancing and watching loads disney/pixar films.
  • Mums love chatting to other mums, it’s like you have joined a club once you have given birth where you just chat as you are all in the same boat and sometimes you just need to off load. Its not often before I had children I would talk to a stranger about poo, sick, wee etc everyone is so open.
  • You can force your children to like Lego and anything you failed at as child, just get your children to do it to fulfil your dreams.
  • When the dentist asks if you floss everyday and you answer no, you can mention I just don’t have the time, I have kids.
  • I never really knew about anything cool before but now I have got the prefect excuse because I’ve got children its totally ok to be out of the loop. Boom (isn’t that how the cool kids communicate these days?)
  • It’s totally fine to have old ikea furniture from your pre children days because as far as I’m concerned until they grow up its a free for all and something will always get broken.
  • Probably the biggest thing is I wouldn’t have anything to blog about and laugh with about, because before children the memories are starting to fade but I was pretty much either drunk or hungover and always saying I will go to the gym tomorrow



Here’s to wearing the my mother jumper on my 1st day back just to make it crystal clear.

Was I a shit 1st time mum?

silly woman slapping hand on head having duh moment

I seriously question my parenting skills from the 1st child to the 2nd child, I have either given up and just winged it or I’m so far gone from a normal childless functioning person that I just don’t understand what it would be like to have a lie in, wee on my own and get bored.

It’s obviously a lot easier as child number 2 just feeds, plays, sleeps, repeat and as long as you time most things around this cycle it works, you can go to the shops but you do have the added time delay of the pushchair but the advantage of no ticking tantrum time bombs. But I don’t remember the 1st time being this ok, was I the issue and not the 1st child?  Here’s a list of the differences for me

  • Going to weigh ins, 1st time went all the time, dreaded dressing baby in front of a health visitor as they are judging your every move (clearly not but as a 1st time mum you think they are), 2nd time taking them becomes a bit of a hassle, maybe a few times in the 1st couple of months and then it just fades away. 1st time I used weight as some kind of way of knowing you were doing ok this time its if she’s happy we are happy.
  • 1st time getting out of the house, absolute mission, brought a special strap for the pushchair for my wrist as I was convinced that my hands would stop working and I would let go of the pushchair, 2nd time have been known to forget to put the brake on and she has slowly rolled off.
  • 1st time going for lunch out and about (because this is what you think you will be doing all time when you are on maternity leave before you have the baby, happens very rarely) would be stressing about a routine and whether your baby might make any noise and they might even cry (!) and you just cant handle the stares. Now once you have experienced a full toddler melted down in the middle of pizza express a few tears from a baby is nothing. Once you have been in this parenting routine for a while you forget what a quiet lunch would be like and actually find it hard to sit still if you actually get a chance to be alone.
  • Baby classes, 1st time I was so nervous that my baby might touch another baby or not stay awake for the full hour, I always use to compare notes with other mums, constantly comparing where my baby was on the progress table of other babies his age. Now I’m in and out quick chats then straight back onto it and I’m jealous of these 1 baby mums but I remember at that time I found it so hard stressing about everything.
  • Weaning, 1st time probably started to early, then went onto baby led weaning or baby linguine, as in the pasta (that’s what I actually thought it was called in my sleep deprived state, you could of told me anything in those days and I would of believed it). 2nd time, poor old baby gets the odd bit of food that she chucks around and then drops on the floor, but she likes it and she is happy so its all good.
  • Constantly assessing poo, 1st time checking poo for colour, smells, consistency and basically thinking he was ill everyday, but he was actually fine. 2nd time just change it and move on. Also this time I have pretty much a constant napisan soak on the go.



Maybe I should have been more relaxed but in my mind I needed to do this in depth the 1st time as now I feel I’ve exhausted any possible options and I’m enjoying it a lot more.



Baby cinema – The review

If you fancy feeling a bit normal in the hazy days of having a baby and enjoying sitting down for a rest and cuddling your baby this is the event for you.

I was invited to try out the new baby cinema event at Trinity Arts Centre in Tunbridge Wells with my little girl Grace who is 7 months old by mumstheword.online. I was a little sceptical at first as Grace is not one for loud noises, I can’t even use sellotape without her crying but I thought we would give it go and I’m glad we did as we both enjoyed the experience and the new Ghostbusters film.

There is easy access to the building and into the theatre, everyone left their buggies at the front of the cinema in a buggy park area and this worked well especially for the parents that had really young ones as there was room to have your buggy in front of you so you could put them down for a nap and rock whilst watching the film. I had Grace on my lap and she loved the screen and really enjoyed the music. The lights stayed up so you can clearly see what is going on if you needed to feed, grab toys or stand at the side to rock your baby. Grace had a feed and had a couple of naps and also spent a lot of the time looking at the screen and chewing various toys. There was a relaxed atmosphere and no one cared if your baby cried because everyone was in the same boat.

It was well organised and they have good baby facilities at Trinity including a great cafe with plenty of highchairs, space for pushchairs and easy access to changing facilities.

I would definitely recommend this to parents that don’t want to miss out on the cinema experience and who are usually climbing into bed when a normal films start at the cinema.

There are more events planned, here is the link to the parents and babies page at Trinity.




Mum up

Mum up

Sometimes you have just got to Mum up, you know when you find yourself in those situations that you never thought you would be in and you remember the times before you had children but you Mum up because basically you will do anything for your kids when they need you the most.

Here are some “mumming up” moments for me,

Giving birth, any which way its pretty full on so big mumming up there.

Poo gate, when your baby poos out of the nappy everywhere and you have a wrestle clearing it up whilst your baby keeps spreading it around your/their body, I usually give up and just put her under the shower and the clothes are straight in the napisan for a soak. I regularly think “Seriously how can there by this much poo in my life”.

Showing no fear of injections and acting as if its totally not painful and maybe even be a fun thing that your toddler will love.

Doing something you thought you would never do. My son was having his morning poo playing with his Lego men, I heard “I’ve finished” but I also heard “I’m sorry” I rushed in expecting to find poo everywhere but no, a single Lego man head had fallen in the loo with the poo, not touching the poo but just in the water, his little face as he kept saying “sorry mummy” as he has worked really hard on his reward chart for his Lego men, so I mummed up and saved that Lego man’s head and as I did it I thought the things I do for my kids, obviously washed everything and told him if it happened again the Lego is getting flushed down the loo!

You know the days where it’s not even 9am and you have already been up for 4 hours, dealt with sick, poo and tears. You need a bit of cheering up, I mum up by playing a game where I pretend that the baby can talk. Now I know this sounds a bit strange but honestly try it. This is how it works I ask toddler to brush his teeth, cue standard no way comments/tantrum, now if the baby asks toddler he looks confused then the baby explains that if he brushes his teeth he will get a sticker and more stickers means superheroes and he loves superheroes, toddler walks off and brushes teeth!!!!!! So basically I have to pretend to be a baby to get shit done, not sure if this going to have any long term side effects on their relationship so I’m keeping it the minimum, just in case.

Sometimes I long for the day I will return to work but I know I’m going to miss the chaos. What are your mumming up moments, please share i just admitted to putting my hand down a toilet with poo in it!

#gettingbacktonormal my journey losing the baby weight for the last time

This is the last time I’m losing the weight, well that’s what I’ve told myself, no more kids and no more naughty eating.

I’m 4 months into child number 2 and I have started the journey of trying to lose the baby weight. With my second pregnancy I had to stop exercising about 25 weeks as my hips kind of gave up and I was walking very slowly everywhere for about a month and when I mean slow it was ridiculous and just embarrassing at times, especially around the office, anyway after some intense osteopath sessions I did walk again but I rested as I didn’t want to take the risk of further injury. Unlike my 1st pregnancy when I ate pretty much everything in sight I was a bit more careful this time and running around after a toddler kept me fairly fit.

So we hit the 3 month mark and Grace started at the crèche for a couple of  hour sessions a week, the first few times she just slept through the whole thing in amongst all the noise. We have a great crèche at the sports centre, its like handing your baby over to your mum, they are so good and they really enjoy the cuddles, so now she finally takes the bottle (after 6 weeks of trying everyday!) I get a couple of hours to myself to start the long journey.  So I thought I would keep people updated on my progress. I have started an instagram account called #gettingbacktonormal where I post the good healthy meals I eat. I have found this really motivates me to make yummy food that I actually want to eat. I’ve brought Joe wicks Lean in 15 and Alice The body bible and I’m trying out their methods and recipes, also I’m using inspiration from instagram too. I have a lovely brother-in-law who is a personal trainer who has worked out my macros, so I’m ready to roll.

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My everyday 11am 

For the last couple of weeks I have taken photos of what I’m doing at 11am to show all the fun and frustrating bits of hanging out with a toddler and a baby, here’s how it panned out…img_6949

Day 1, A national trust car park, as a parent you hangout a lot in national trust places being judged by the elderly that have come for a lovely quiet turn in the gardens of a mini stately home, mainly when your child starts running through the flower beds. This is us getting ready in the car park, it can take up to 20 mins, checking, double checking everything, Grace is crying, Joe is shouting to get out or scooting around the car shouting “mummy look at my trick” and all he is doing is just standing on his scooter with one leg out which he does every time but I always reply “wow” like I’ve never seen that “trick” before. So by the time you have got to the entrance you already feel like its been a day trip only to welcomed by a very kind posh woman who clearly is just doing the job to give her something to do and the bridge club is not meeting today, then you are just praying your child doesn’t start singing a song where he has replaced most of the words with bum or poo. Continue reading

What’s in the bag? Tiba and Marl Elwood rucksack 

I previously wrote a review on the Tiba and Marl Elwood rucksack http://wp.me/p5EQ5f-4Y (Hapiness is a leopard print changing mat) which receives loads of views so here is an update on what’s in the bag now I’m in the full swing of juggling life with 2 children.

  • Leopard print changing mat
  • Nappies, wipes, nappy bags all in a handy clutch
  • The full collection of kinder egg ninja turtles (to entertain the toddler) 
  • Hat
  • Sophie for teething time
  • Bib
  • Nakd bars, I’m always hungry and need to keep up energy levels to keep everyone functioning 
  • A hungry caterpillar toy
  • Highlighter, saviour after the long nights
  • Mascara 
  • Lipstick
  • Mirror
  • Hairband, always handy when needing to pick up a child covered in sick (as did happen today)
  • Perfume
  • Fringe brush, the mummy/primary school fringe should be in place at all times
  • Pens
  • Dummy
  • Usb stick, not really sure why but could be useful
  • Baby nail clippers (to cut whilst she sleeping, you need take every opportunity)
  • Shopping bag
  • Purse
  • Glasses
  • Sunglasses, bargain at 50p as they will get trashed over the summer
  • Breastfeeding  cover
  • Red book (not sure why I carry this around probably on the off chance if I actually have time get the baby weighed)
  • Baby grow (for the time poonami strikes)

And there is still plenty of room! 

Winging it with the bouncy chair-1st 6 weeks with a baby and threeanger 

   We are 6 weeks in and we have broken the camels back if not the camels back mine has. It always amazes me how you wait for your baby to arrive and every hour you are wishing it away, then 6 weeks literally flies by, I was thinking that’s a whole summer holidays gone. And it seems we have forgotten most things from the 1st time but this time it seems a little easier as we know everything is a phase and it does get better and there is so many more good times to come. So far I had forgotten the following …….

– To be thankful for a bouncy chair

– Your baby always needs something as soon as you sit down to eat, so I have refreshed my bouncing the chair with one foot whilst shovelling down food technique very well. I have also mastered rocking the bouncing chair next to the sofa whilst snoozing, I amaze myself how I can nap and still move my arm.

– Your baby wants to feed loads not because they are greedy it’s just because their stomachs are tiny and they need to grow, also means you get loads of milk to stock up for a night out. Ours is particularly fond of a cluster feed, it’s like she is possessed she rootes it out and is head banging like she is in a mosh pit and won’t stop until she is with her beloved boob, this can go on for hours but after she sleeps for a good 5 hours so it’s working at the moment.

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The waiting game…2nd time round

 The waiting game …… 2nd timeround

It’s my 2 nd babys turn to make an appearance and I was hopeful that it was going to come early and quickly however this was wishful thinking.

So far I spent the last 4 weeks doing the following

– Constantly charging my phone and making room for new photos.

– Getting my toddler to push me on the swings as it can bring on labour.

– Daydreaming about boy and girl senarios and  thinking about how it will complete our little family.

-Started sleeping in the day and get up every 2-3 hrs in the night to walk around etc.

– Thought that every twinge is going into labour and contacted everyone I know, this has happened about 5 times, husband keeps reminding me about the boy that cried wolf story.

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If I get to 5 it’s a “timeout…….”



I feel like I spend most of my life counting to 5, this can start from 6:30am and not finish till the last minute of the bedtime battle and if the counting fails the dummy threat is always a winner.

So when we need to perform a simple task we say we will count to 5 and if we make it to 5  a “it’s time out” but it rarely gets to that. Obviously any logical adult would just do the task in hand but we are dealing with a toddler here.
My initial thoughts is why couldn’t you just do the task without counting, next is am I going to be counting for the rest of my life.

Things we count for Continue reading