Going out with a toddler is like playing Russian roulette

Russian roulette is a potentially lethal game of chance in which players put a single round (tantrum) in a revolver (toddler), spins the cylinder, places the muzzle against their head, and pulls the trigger (releases the tantrums).

I sometimes get nervous about a “simple” trip out with my toddler, mainly when there are people who don’t have children and you are trying not to be judged as a bad mother. As the years have passed I have become more relaxed about what people think or I just don’t care anymore, not sure which one. So what I’m saying is going out with a toddler is like playing Russian roulette, you are putting your life in your own hands.

A perfect example is a trip to the shops, I always start with a risk assessment for the trip.

– Do you take a pushchair or drive? You need to think how much time do I have? ย If there is limited time I would drive if not this could result in a great “wearing” them out excersie as you are guaranteed that a 10 minute adult walk will take an hour with all ย the getting in and out of pushchair etc.

Risk factors to consider when embarking on a walk with a toddler.

– Will they need the toilet ? You can guarantee you will be too far away from home or shops so there could be a wetting themselves incident.

– Refusing to walk or getting in and out of the pushchair. Standard.

– Not wanting to walk in the right direction which then can turn into a full on sit down tantrum.

– Potentially dropping a beloved toy then having to search where you have already walked.

– Running off, in the same manor of a dog if it sees a cat.

– Stopping off and discussing a bush or leaf for half an hour.

– Pointing out every dog poo and avoiding any touching.

– When arriving at the shop and having a tantrum because it’s not the park.

Once In the shop (food)

Risk factors

– Won’t go in the trolley wants to walk, hangs off the side, this is where the nightmare begins.

– Needing the toilet when half way through a shop.

– Throwing of anything around, grapefruit, melons, oranges etc.

– Eating fresh produce, biting bits of carrots then putting them back.

– Hiding.

– Getting run over by a trolley.

– Lots of disapproving looks because your child is not walking perfectly next to you at all times, because that’s what kids are supposed to do right?

– Usual screaming tantrum at any point because you won’t let him walk about with a large glass bottle.

– Public bribery and people judging you or other parents in same situation are listening in to pick up tips. People without kids are thinking I’m never going to bribe my kids, I know this I use to think like this!

Needless to say I’m not a risk taker and I do most of my shopping online or as a special Saturday night treat, rock and roll!

 

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