Going out with a toddler is like playing Russian roulette

IMG_2961Russian roulette is a potentially lethal game of chance in which players put a single round (tantrum) in a revolver (toddler), spins the cylinder, places the muzzle against their head, and pulls the trigger (releases the tantrums).

I sometimes get nervous about a “simple” trip out with my toddler, mainly when there are people who don’t have children and you are trying not to be judged as a bad mother. As the years have passed I have become more relaxed about what people think or I just don’t care anymore, not sure which one. So what I’m saying is going out with a toddler is like playing Russian roulette, you are putting your life in your own hands.

A perfect example is a trip to the shops, I always start with a risk assessment for the trip.

– Do you take a pushchair or drive? You need to think how much time do I have?  If there is limited time I would drive if not this could result in a great “wearing” them out excersie as you are guaranteed that a 10 minute adult walk will take an hour with all  the getting in and out of pushchair etc.

Risk factors to consider when embarking on a walk with a toddler.

– Will they need the toilet ? You can guarantee you will be too far away from home or shops so there could be a wetting themselves incident.

– Refusing to walk or getting in and out of the pushchair. Standard.

– Not wanting to walk in the right direction which then can turn into a full on sit down tantrum.

– Potentially dropping a beloved toy then having to search where you have already walked.

– Running off, in the same manor of a dog if it sees a cat.

– Stopping off and discussing a bush or leaf for half an hour.

– Pointing out every dog poo and avoiding any touching.

– When arriving at the shop and having a tantrum because it’s not the park.

Once In the shop (food)

Risk factors

– Won’t go in the trolley wants to walk, hangs off the side, this is where the nightmare begins.

– Needing the toilet when half way through a shop.

– Throwing of anything around, grapefruit, melons, oranges etc.

– Eating fresh produce, biting bits of carrots then putting them back.

– Hiding.

– Getting run over by a trolley.

– Lots of disapproving looks because your child is not walking perfectly next to you at all times, because that’s what kids are supposed to do right?

– Usual screaming tantrum at any point because you won’t let him walk about with a large glass bottle.

– Public bribery and people judging you or other parents in same situation are listening to pick up tips. People without kids are thinking I’m never going to bribe my kids, I know this I use to think like this!

Needless to say I’m not a risk taker and I do most of my shopping online or as a special Saturday night treat, rock and roll!

The Twinkle Diaries

 

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